I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
