I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
