Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
