i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
