I think I died a long time ago.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
