I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
