I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
