Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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