My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
