he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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