Ambien. No doubt about it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
