Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
