i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
