I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
