I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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