They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
