I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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