nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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