Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She's JV to your varsity
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
