Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
