this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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