he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
