My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
