OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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