Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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