My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
