So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
