The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
