i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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