East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
