awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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