Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm gonna fight the coyote
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
