Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
