Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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