They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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