bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
