I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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