When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
