I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize
