Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I need help removing her.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
