So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
