that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
