She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
