Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
