i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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