You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
