oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
