you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
