all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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