Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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